The first three states — waking consciousness, deep sleep and the dreaming state of sleep — are known to every adult human being with a functional nervous system. The last four levels — transcendental, cosmic, god and unity consciousness — are usually not available right away. These states become accessible only as one engages in regular practice of meditation. What are these higher levels like? Here are some essential points from Jerry Freeman, student of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for over 40 years.
To cultivate the ability of the nervous system to sustain that. Eventually, that becomes stabilized and it becomes a permanent state of consciousness which Maharishi called the Cosmic Consciousness. My sublime self is actually that pure, eternal consciousness.
My little ego that motors around and feels so important — you discover that oh, that is not what I am! And yet it is still just one unfoldment, just that first permanent awakening. We finally found a night for the Adam experience. In no time I was carried into a different state of consciousness, very hard to put into words, certainly very different from an LSD experience. The main difference for me was that an LSD trip brings about a lot of mind-images, it seems -- there is more mind expansion or explosion; whereas Adam brings about this intrinsic, unique sensation of body-awareness where one floats in total bliss.
This sensation of blissful floating was shown in my mind as energy-forming, expanding, contracting, breathing one could say: breath as moving and life-giving -- each slight movement creating a minute change in the energy field, made of what we call "love" in it's purest and truest form of existence. It was truly mindblowing, awesome, a secret of life revealed. This most unbelievable gentleness and sweetness we are!
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Thank you so much for this beautiful gift. There has been nothing like it, so real and so long-lasting about nine hours , before in my life. The sweetest sounds come out of me, following the movement of my outbreath. Again and again. So gentle. Such full and expanded in-and-out breaths.
When I threw up, it was just like that, nothing but a natural action. It's true, though, that in the beginning, when it hit me, my partner took care of me beautifully, moving me from one place to the other. He felt me to be three times as heavy, whereas inside I felt light as light and without any resistance or weight, with only the sensation of my body giving me a natural feeling of boundaries. Also, all levels of consciousness seemed to have slowed down tremendously and to have become one -- no separation whatsoever, inner and outer as one, no mental thought interfering, just communicating the experience of the moment, in a sense no past, no future, all simultaneously happening at once.
So simple, so beautiful, so poetic. My partner and I experienced each other in the fullest soul-sense. Whatever we would be doing -- talking, moving, looking, making love, being, it was real, as real as anyone can be. It was so easy to understand one another, so true, gentle, blissful. What joy! I couldn't believe how simple life really is. If we didn't have our beliefs and thought-forms blocking us, we would constantly be in a state of fulfillment.
Somehow the "I" whatever it is -- it seemed full and empty at the same time knew at every instant what it wanted or needed and expressed it, clearly and simply, with the sweetest voice and without hesitation, distrust, or disconnectedness. The "I" Self was just love and the mind served it most beautifully with clear, simple words. Love is truly beyond words, and because it exists, everything else is created with it and through it.
The question of the Will came up for me: who is willing here? Certainly it is not my personal will. If it is the universal will, or whatever, it's hard not to interfere with it through personal distortions in our normal state of consciousness. What an art it is to live life happily, creatively, with fulfillment.
Most of all I want to remember how simple life really is. Clairvoyance and a Sense of Open Truth. Having taken Adam only a few times, my experiences have nevertheless been varied. I had no drugs previous to this year. During the first session I experienced myself as a cross of light and my arms automatically spread out, whereby a great clearing in the body-emotions-mind came about.
This first session was in a natural surround, and trees were seen simultaneously as trees and as energy fields and temples. Clarity and direct cognition about aspects of my life that were previously dimly felt occurred. Flashes of insight touching all 48 years of my life came, whereby consciousness went down through fields of awareness that might be called past-life resonances, even to the point of my entry into the earth for the first time in the Himalayas, when I could change my body into light waves. During this clearing and purification, whole processions of memories of people went by whereby I felt great gratitude and spontaneously felt a warmhearted bestowal of blessings to others.
Although I had no intention beyond open experiencing in this first session, it answered many questions. I was told that it would be a three or four-hour session, but after some time I discovered that it was not the sun in mid-heaven but the moon, for the sun had set long before and it was midnight!
Over twelve hours had passed. With two subsequent sessions I had specific questions that I wished to be instructed on, and I found that if the mind is focused on an inquiry or is open to some truth, insights concerning the issue are revealed, consistently. One thing that I am most impressed with is that the insights about my life and about the lives of others are so profound that I am motivated to immediately take action. This has turned out to be very effective in my daily life. After the first session I cleaned up my whole garage which literally had four tons of stuff in it.
After the second I gave dietary and exercise instructions to my mother, who had been suffering for many years from severe arthritic pains and problems due to her being overweight. Not only did she respond to my instructions by mail, yet! She has lost considerable weight and feels more positive and clear and happy in mind. I suspect that Adam experiences are quite unique and custom-made to the individual. Motivation, integrity, and the degree one has prepared one's life for true insights make, I feel, a lot of difference in the kind of experience that one has.
I feel that I have no need for repeated sessions, at least for the present, for the clairvoyance and a sense of open truth in expression that it has helped to open continue for me as a sustained way of life. The first physical sign of the drug became evident about an hour after taking it, when I felt my hands to be "airy," as if they wanted to just gently fly off on their own. Simultaneously, something that was said touched me deeply, and I felt very emotional. There were, however, few similarities with psychedelics. Adam is much gentler, and there were no visual hallucinations.
There was a distinct emotional effect. I felt that my most compassionate aspect was in full control. I was able to see and understand other peoples' actions from a totally neutral place, with a compassionate feeling for them, even if their actions caused me pain. I had access to feelings of love, compassion, and forgiveness for my father.
We have had a lifetime of difficulty in our relationship, and since he is very old and sick I have been troubled lately that perhaps he might die soon without ever having experienced a good communication between us. This experience assisted me in seeing him and his situation in a very giving, caring way, and to let the difficult aspects of our relationship fail away.
It was a totally new feeling for me that I had never had for him before, and it was a healing experience for me, and, I hope, for him. The drug seemed to bring out my gentlest, most compassionate nature, and to suppress the more judgemental, critical aspects of my personality. These are definitely part of my make-up, but are not the parts of myself that I am most proud of.
It was actually quite lovely to feel such deep compassion, such true caring, to such a great degree. It was a very genuine feeling, and I could see why people had spoken of this drug as one that could enhance relationships. But it was also much more. It provided an ability to see clearly, and, as my guide had told me, to access information from what I call universal consciousness.
It could also foster intuition and encourage the flow of creative ideas. Most of the time I was lying on my bed, listening to music, going deep within to ask questions and receive answers. Occasionally my guide would comment, or offer me water, or turn on the tape recorder when I wanted to tape a thought or idea. I felt, and still feel, an enormous love for her, and a great appreciation for her gentle guidance and caring for me. Were we destined to blow ourselves up or was this increasing nuclear threat just an aberrant behavior that had gone too far off balance?
It felt as though this nuclear threat we are experiencing is some sort of test, a difficulty placed in our path for us to overcome. I asked other questions and received answers, all of which seemed familiar, as if some part of me already knew these answers and needed only to be reminded of them. One thing is certain: I'd like to be able to access these feelings of compassion and deep caring in a selfless manner at other times, and so I am working on remembering this feeling and am keeping connected with it.
The entire experience was very valuable. My perception was very keen. I seemed to be a lot more aware of the moment. Like the first time there was a flowing of emotions and I started to cry. My friends' presence gave me reassurance and I was able to trust myself to go deeper into my past and speak of painful aspects of my life. I knew that my friends were there to help me and I felt the need to pour out my agony.
My emotions were becoming too much to handle, they seemed to be poisoning my veins. By this time I was too scared to keep going deeper into my past. My friend asked me to keep silent for ten minutes and to think of and feet what was happening to me. It took a long time before I could do this, always fearing that I would simply go mad. When I finally accepted it and did it, I could feel the pain take over my body so that the suffering was physical as well. I was alone in this suffering. I felt that I had to go through it, if I was to accomplish anything. This was an important challenge because after ten minutes of too much pain I was able to trust myself to speak of what was once too painful to remember.
I spoke of a rape that occurred eight years ago. For eight years I have kept the most horrible aspects of that day hidden in the back of my mind, and it was only then that I realized how the little details that I had wanted to ignore were eating at me like a cancer. The memories became very vivid in my mind and the suffering became more intense, but I still wanted to talk about it and I felt that I could deal with the pain, that this was a start to try to defeat the cancer. Adam made it possible for me to speak and to try to see things from a different view.
By talking about it I was able to face the fear of the experience and to understand what it had done to my life. It was frightening to think that I had tried to ignore that day to the point where I didn't know where the pain had come from, nor could I remember what had happened. I had gone through life having nightmares and feeling guilty, telling myself that it was not normal to be affected by something that has occurred such a long time ago. The most destructive feeling that resulted from the rape was a feeling of inner emptiness: I didn't feel love or hate for the people who had hurt me; I didn't feel anything toward myself and even less for life itself.
This is the reason why I don't like anti-depressant drugs: they make me feel the same way. I continued living because I didn't even care enough to kill myself. I remember crossing the street and thinking, "If a car hits me, fine, and if it doesn't, that's fine, too. So my emotions caught up with me, and I was closer to death than I'd ever been before. Adam has helped me look at this suffering, to see my life as a whole and to understand it better.
It has given me the courage to face the fears instead of ignoring them to know that the most important thing is to struggle to trust myself. I don't know what my life will be like now, or how much I want to live, but I do know that the experiences I have gone through, even though painful, have also been full of tenderness and trust, and there is no longer this feeling of emptiness. I am not leaving a hospital with a prescription in my hand for anti-depressants.
Rather, I'm leaving with a friend, with the hope that I see him again, and with the courage to try to face my fears and to face life. It has been the vision of so many deaths, during the LSD portion of this experience, that is helping me to live now. At this point I would have tried anything, and I thought that the Adam would help me cope with this pain, so I said yes.
It didn't ease the pain but it helped to open up the emotions that were bottled up inside. Once I opened to my memory of the past, the room seemed to fill up with people from my past who had hurt me, and with people who had tried to help me. My friend's eyes seemed to be calling out to me, but then all of a sudden he changed and became transformed into the rapist. His toes and legs were those of the rapist but I knew that the figure was my friend.
It was horrifying to see him as the man who had caused me so much pain. The only reason I could deal with it was because my friend was so strong in being himself that even though his body seemed to be that of the rapist, the rapist could not take over his mind, and I could turn to him for support. I started to feel the horror of that day and I started vomiting.
Getting sick was more than just a physical illness. I was vomiting from my soul, getting rid of pain, of an evil that had been destroying me. I felt that it was too late to pretend that it hadn't been real, and I feared that my friend would hate me. I don't know why, maybe it was that I hated my own body, it being a reminder of evil and corruption. But he didn't feel disgust towards my body, he didn't see it as changed by the experience. I then tried to see my body through his eyes, to understand that it was not impure, that it didn't have to be a reminder of cruelty.
I felt that I was becoming stronger with my friend's help. The rapist was grabbing me inside and wouldn't let go. I wanted to vomit so badly , feeling that if I did I could be rid of the rapist -- at least he would be outside and no longer a part of me. Later I felt I had got rid of so much, but I still felt nauseous, there was still a burning lump in my stomach.
But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it out. It seemed to be the only part of the rapist that remained. Maybe it will always be there and I will have to learn to live with it. But it doesn't have to dominate my life. My physical discomfort interfered with the peaceful movements that were also a part of this experience. They seemed trivial compared with the pain, but now I hold them close to me and they help me cope. I felt that it was so painful to love that knowing that I could still love was what caused most of my suffering.
But the emptiness and pain of not loving was so much greater -- without love we cannot experience the beauty of living. I felt that I had to hold on to the love instead of fighting it, and that I had to try to deal with the pain that it caused me, because facing it is better than the emptiness. It seems hard to do, but perhaps there is a chance that I can fill the emptiness with new life. It scares me and I feel very lonely. But this experience has made me realize that death is not necessarily the right answer, or the most peaceful alternative. Realizing this has given me the courage to at least try to find meaning and reason.
I lie back and listen to music, feeling pulled to touch my heart chest with my hand. My hands begin dance-like movements in the air and suddenly I am hit, full front, with a chemical buzz and I see exquisite patterns of colored energy dancing against a dark background. I sense this energy, which will go wherever it is directed, it is indifferent to the outcome of what it serves.
It speaks to me: "The experiment is essentially over. It speaks again: "There's no sadness. I report aloud, "There's no sadness. I close my eyes again, to go beyond "energy. But for the earth itself, and for that which created it, there will be grief that I cannot yet even begin to fathom, of gigantic proportion. I am reminded by my guide that we are indeed more than earthlings. I am guided to allow myself to accept that creation, at least the human family, may be destroyed. Humans will, in this scenario, destroy themselves. This is a real and perhaps realistic possibility.
Yet, in accepting this, I see a path which branches off from this field of acceptance. And so we come to the beginning of the path I am now on: "God grant me the courage to change that which I can change, the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. The next phase begins with a sense of "What can I do?
I can have a say in what happens by transforming my acceptance into an affirmation. With great tenderness, the guide puts his hand on my heart center, leaves it resting there, and asks "How is your body? At that point I become aware that what I can do about the larger situation is allow, invite, surrender God into my own body. The God consciousness aches for and eagerly awaits this moment to enter me, as it longs to enter each of us, at any and every moment. I lay back and turn my palms upward.
Without resistance I say "I sacrifice myself. Who is there? It is I. It is Thou. Painlessly, and in silent ecstasy, that which has lived as my guest, my visitor, my "higher' self becomes part of my consciousness. We merge. No longer higher, it is now inner, merging with that which chose. The chooser becomes the chosen. The guide knows. He speaks of gods and goddesses with open eyes all over their bodies. Phase II ends here, with the glad marriage of myself and my Self. In the third phase, I begin to relate this state to daily reality. The network. Cultivate the network.
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Adam simply turns up the volume. It is all already so. I review my life from this heightened awareness. What is acceptable? My physical disorder -- I search inward and discover resistance to the physical plane. My guide encourages me to observe patterns in Nature and give birth to creative patterns of order. The phrase "the order that enables us" helps free my thinking.
I remind myself that if I am becoming a home to the indwelling spirit, it will see out of my eyes, and it likes to see beauty, proportion, and harmony! I realize that I can make agreements with myself in the Adam state, that I can recall them when in the non- Adam state, and that that can affect the non-Adam state. I proceed to ask for guidance and support in integrating these changes of habit into my life. I do intend to become a perfect temple for this God-consciousness. I plant the seeds of support in myself this day. Another agreement I make with myself is to let it shine, not to hide or be shy about this energy of the spirit that is infusing me.
Phase III continues in daily awareness, acknowledging what is unacceptable, and, with compassion, designing ways to clear the core -- yes, like a reed flute, so that the breath can pass through and be, if appropriate, music. Phase II continues also, since I choose and rechoose every day. And I dwell in Phase 1, the acceptance of that-which-I-cannot-change and from which action springs.
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Final phase: manifest, receive, accept, create, share, allow, generate LOVE. It is the gravitational force of and for the spirit. I had always felt unconscious of and therefore cut off from my own body. It's as if the part of me that lived such a full life was a visitor, who took no responsibility for the house in which it stays.
During the course of a single Adam session, I experienced a deep natural healing within myself. I re-owned my body. In the two weeks that have followed, I have observed specific behavioral changes in myself. These include: the ease with which I choose lighter, healthful foods, and no longer desire heavy, fatty foods; a definite increase in the grace with which I move; an instinctive desire for water with a marked increase in daily fluid intake; no desire for caffeine or alcohol.
And for the first time in my life, I can feel myself consciously and lovingly aware of the body in which I live. Question posed. I feel a natural evolution of love, integrity, creativity, and power. What is my way to right action in balancing the personal and transpersonal dimensions? Body: a feeling of evenness. Calm anticipation.
Then contraction and expansion. Imagery: a flower and a stone. I'm falling through space. My left side is a large stone out of which an enormous flower blooms on the right side. The flower acts like a parachute. Body: warmth starting up legs through pelvic bowl. Imagery: I am the earth. Body feels as long as the earth. Head is the North Pole. Sun shines and warms entire body except North Pole head.
Does the earth feel this too? Music: "Timewind," by Klaus Schulze. Image of wind whipping around me. Cutting through something on the diagonal. Feel like a mummy being unwrapped. Body energy and awareness increase. Suddenly a huge trumpet flower emerges out of the equator of my earth body navel and reaches up far into space. Wind sounds feel cool and draw my attention to the North Pole.
Ice and snow. Energy forms that look like transparent comets whirl around at high speed. They have a numinous quality. Raindrops form from these energy entities. Fall to earth and become crystals in a cavern in the earth. I am aware that life is formed in the wind. These energy forms feel like basic life breath. They seem to be Spirit, travelling at high speed. This Spirit is apparently the essential truth that we experience once we leave our bodies. This Spirit appears to be what energy is between lives: invisible, yet, in a numinous, way, present. I asked my guide to read the "Emerald Tablet" of Hermes Trismegistos: " The father thereof is the Sun; the mother is the moon; it was carried in the womb by the Wind; the Earth is the nurse.
It is the father of all works of wonder throughout the world. Little wind spirit relaxes and becomes a raindrop. Raindrop falls to earth, slows down in this touching, and becomes crystal. Shifting vibrational speed manifests all things. The guide suggests that I tune into the earth's axis. When I do, I feel the earth's etheric bodies. I refocus on the floor of the crystal cavern at the North Pole. Clear and definite image and feeling of an Animal Spirit to my upper right. A black panther encased in sandstone, Egyptian stone guardian , sitting proudly, with dignity.
There is a certain stillness in that dark power. The guide suggests the stone image is just one manifestation: "Look into its essence. This reminds me of my own body, and though it serves as a vessel for Spirit, it's important to watch for rigidity and fixed notions and viewpoints. Stone statue's name is I-You, which speaks of this ego-skin between self and other. On the other hand, the essential life inside this skin speaks of being true, direct, moving with spontaneity and unselfconscious passion.
The guide suggests I move inside form. My body experiences heavier energy coming in on the right side. My guide invites my feminine side to open to receive. Image of a black warrior with a rainbow extending out of his head, starting to enter my body on the right side.
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Feels like too much power. Immediately an image emerges of a black man and a white lotus. This white lotus fills my vision. It is incredibly beautiful, with petals. It floats over a pool of water, never stopping. It is roofless, yet it is sustained by something. The image evokes a quality of the Form and Formless. I later see that its roots are grounded in the Formless. I look at a picture of a strong black woman, well grounded and balanced. She has a lithe, solid body, and is wearing a lavender dress.
Her face is hidden behind a crystal veil. She stands in the rain near a lagoon. In her hands is a large straw broom, and she seems to be sweeping with much determination. I experience a deep sense integration, feminine strength, and fullness. Lavender is the color of a warrior. The contrasting colors of black and lavender represent to me the dense and the subtle. I feel enlivened and awake and right when I look at this picture, because it is a way of synthesizing the male and female energies. The panther and black warrior energies are incorporated in a form that fits for me.
The act of sweeping is a metaphor for a style of clearing in my healing work: caring, cleansing, clearing. Image of mouth flying open: awe, shock, no sound. Image of me as a baby in a crib, my cries unanswered. Feeling alone. Strong impression of being outdoors under an enormous black sky, experiencing vast space and distance from the shimmering stars. Alone, crying out into vast emptiness.
On the psychodynamic level, from the feeling of aloneness, I developed an attitude of "I'll do it myself I won't let you help me. I'll take care of myself, because I know you need a mother more than me. I'm more in touch with my own wisdom. Developing a stance of independence.
Giving more than receiving. I see that I continually need to practice reaching out and asking for what I need. The reaching out is definitely harder for me. Aware of being more a rock in the stream, defined by many who want something from me. I am practicing being the stream and flowing and reaching for those I want to be with. I become aware of tension in back of neck and along jawbones. Holding back and controlling my responses. Seems to be some psychodynamic clearing. Some question about fear of sexual surrender.
Although I've opened to a far deeper place of surrender at this point, there is past memory of confusion and fear. Not deep sexual fear, but rather confusion about being seen as too powerful to be given to as a healer , yet seeing myself to be in part a needing woman.
My guide asks "Are not both true? My concern: if I surrender sexually, or if I fall in love, I fear I will lose my power. I saw my needing as vulnerability and weakness. In the past this has been true. I still need to clear past conditioning on this. I'm caught in a collective feminine notion about giving over to a man, which doesn't seem to further relationships in the 80's. How sex role behavior patterns hold on! Simple sentences, such as, "I need you to be with me and share sexually. I want to be with you. I want time and space to enjoy you.
These are my needs and wants Bringing these essential things into my being brings me into balance and harmony. This, for me, is a bowing in respect to all chakra energies, and acknowledging that all are open, are functioning correctly. The day following the Adam session, I worked with my therapist to see more deeply into the nature of the crying baby. Uncovered an incident with my mother which cleared easily. Found an earlier incident related to birth trauma of being born feet first and almost suffocating as head came through the birth canal.
Seems linked with anesthesia given to my mother, combined with her fear of death. Apparently Adam kicked off a sensation of this. This work is in progress. An incredibly fine experience for me on many levels. R, your willingness to guide me through this touched me. The direct experience of Energy, Life, the Earth, first human life, the petal lotus is precious to me. The images are rich and clear. The assimilation and reintegration of male-female, animal-flower symbols and emotions is an empowering experience for me.
I am surprised the psychodynamics all poured out. So be it. This is a report on my first Adam session. In preparation for the session I cleaned my house. I sensed that this was going to be a sacred experience, and I wanted to prepare myself in a sacred manner. My guide came, and we went over a list of questions I had prepared to focus on during this journey.
My guide suggested an additional question for my inner guides or higher self: "For my highest and best good, is there anything else I should be aware of at this time? I put on an eye-shade and listened to music. Time passed quickly; I felt the loving support of my guide, and then I started to feel my body having sensations I have always associated with excitement.
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Then out of nowhere appeared my own inner guides. They moved out of a gray fog, and for the first time I felt no fear of them. Always in my meditations I had been afraid that I was going crazy when they tried to speak to me, so I stopped meditating. There were about ten of them dressed in draped gray garments, and I could tell by feeling that some were male and some were female.
They felt like my real family.
They spoke to me, not in words, but in mind to mind communication, about the importance of meditation for my growth. They said I was afraid of meditating because I had not learned to ground myself adequately, and that I must practice grounding meditations for a period of at least a month. They said to imagine myself buried in dirt, to meditate from this position, and to be sure that I used grounding tools during therapy.
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